For the few days leading up to Amos’ 2-year check-up, we practiced a lot. Rodney and I played the doctor role and had Amos sit still while we looked into his ears and up his nose. We held a make-believe stethescope to his chest and told him to breathe. We taught him to say “aah” so the doctor could check out his tonsils.

This turned out to be an amazingly effective trick, and he did great when his time came to shine. We forgot to practice climbing up on the scale and standing still, though, so we only know that he weighs somewhere between 27 and 29 lbs. He was too wriggly to get more specific. We also forgot to practice that part where he lies down and they mark the paper at his head and feet to see how tall he is. That went completely awry and required all hands to hold him down.

My main concern was his hearing, which I’ve been fretting over ever since an assessment at Amos’ daycare revealed his speech is a bit delayed and there are concerns that all the ear infections he’s had are the cause.

As usual, the fantastic Dr. Ledbetter was completely pragmatic about these concerns and put me at ease. Amos wouldn’t stop saying, “Hi, doctor! Hi, doctor! Aah!” which Dr. Ledbetter said was proof enough that he’s a social little boy who can certainly express himself. Amos got really excited about the elephant sticker he won for being so good, and repeated “Eff-in! Eff-in” over and over. I seized on the opportunity to show Dr. Ledbetter what I was worried about. “See, this is typical. He doesn’t say ‘elephant’ right.” Dr. Ledbetter was very patient. “No 2-year-old says ‘elephant’ right.”

We were hoping for no shots on this visit, but there was one. We hadn’t practiced at all. We tried a frantic, last-minute dress rehearsal while the nurse stepped out to prepare the syringe. It didn’t help that much.

Rodney and I got summoned for our first meeting at school this week. Amos isn’t in trouble or anything like that, but he got some not great results on an assessment and I’m terribly worried. He’s going gangbusters on most stuff but it was revealed that he apparently never talks in class. I mean like, never. He sidles up to the teacher at story time and plays with the other kids and all that, but without making a peep.  I had no idea that was the case.

Talking with the therapist confirmed the fears I’ve had since he got his first ear infection at 7 months, that his speech might lag because he basically couldn’t hear for so long. He got tubes at 9 months, but the ear infections continued almost nonstop until we moved him to a new daycare where he doesn’t get sick all the time. The therapist explained what I’d heard before, that basically his ears worked as if he was under water and it’s normal for him to be a bit late on is speech because he’s just recently been hearing things normally. I knew that. But the thought of him going through his days silently makes me so sad. I want him to be brave and loud and demand all the attention he deserves.

If I never put him in daycare, or maybe if I put him in a different one, this wouldn’t be an issue. So of course there is lots of guilt here, the defining emotion of motherhood. The therapist doesn’t seem worried but will retest in May, looking for progress.